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Aug 15, 2018

Do you and your partner fight about money?  You know that Mike and I have been there! This whole podcast is a result of us overcoming our money fights (just go back and listen to Episode 5 where I talk about throwing a bowl of hot oatmeal at my husband)!

Today's guest is Jill Ellingson, MA, LMFT, who is a licensed therapist and gives you some amazing and practical tips of how to handle money discussions, tools to help you and your partner in money conflicts and will make you feel SO NORMAL. Jill has a business background prior to being a counselor so her perspective on money is GOLDEN.  She is solutions focused therapist.  Her goal with her clients is to figure out what is not working in your life and learn new tools so that you can empower yourself and not have to rely on therapy in the end but rather do check ins when you need a tune up.  She focuses on walking alongside of her clients.  

So how big of an issue is money with couples?  Jill says it is in the top 3 that she sees in the therapy room.  

What values and beliefs do you have about money? 

This is the first place Jill starts with people.  It is largely what we learned as a kid.  A lot of people don't think about this.  Money is a big part of our culture and family.  She recommends to have empathy, which is putting yourself in your partner's shoes.  The next step is to create a spending plan and she likes the word "spending plan" vs "budget" because budget has a negative connotation.  

One of the tools she uses with her clients is the Gottman Institute The Meaning of Money exercise

So we have all been there in the heat of the moment about money.  All of us.  When you are heated, Jill recommends taking an adult time out.  Trying to have a productive conversation in an escalated state is a waste of time.  This is because when we are heated the amygdala part of our brain is what is taking over and our rational thinking is turned off in that moment.  

When to know when to seek professional help:  When the issue is persistent and re-occurring problem.  We are never looking to solve all our money problems in counseling, but really rather learn new tools.  Jill offers some great tips for this in this episode!

How to reach Jill:

Reach out via email or text or the contact form on her website

She offers a free 20 min consultation to see if you would be a good fit to work with her!

I want to hear from you on Instagram about your money story! 


In the next few weeks you will have access to a brand-new course: Succeeding at Side Hustle.  Join our mailing list to be notified when the course is ready!